Christmastime has always been my favorite time of the year! I think it is for a lot of us.  I know for me it’s that month of the year that I feel a little bit more alive than usual.  I look forward to the beauty of the lights, decorations, the warm, cozy smells, the beautiful music, and my favorite – giving gifts!  I love the generous spirit of Christmas.  I get so much joy from picking out things for people I love that might make them smile, and how everyone is just a little bit more spirited. So, when this time of year rolls around and you find yourself in a difficult place in your life, it hurts to not feel that same joyous feeling.  But, I think Christmastime is the perfect season to remember to hold onto hope, too. 

The first weekend of December is always our annual Little Concert that my husband organizes and puts on to benefit a local charity.  Last year, although I was still feeling very sick after my Lyme Disease treatment in September, I still sang with Ryan anyway.  We had a great night, so many people turned out, and we raised a lot of money!  The next day, I was busy online shopping for Christmas presents when I suddenly got a terrible pain in my bladder.  It was a sharp, stabbing pain, worse than any bladder infection I had ever had.  I tried my usual natural go-tos for UTIs that typically work, but for a week or so, but it persisted.  I finally went to the doctor.  They couldn’t find any trace of infection and sent me to a specialist who told me that I had Interstitial Cystitis, also known as Painful Bladder Syndrome.  It happens when the lining of the bladder becomes damaged and inflamed.  They told me it was a chronic condition and there wasn’t a cure.  There was one medication on the market for it that only worked for a small percentage of patients and the side effects were terrible.  From my experience with autoimmune disease years before, I wasn’t really looking for medications to solve the problem.  I knew that they would only mask it, not truly heal it. 

I couldn’t believe that after all of the years of sicknesses and all of the efforts I’d made to heal that I was getting yet another chronic illness diagnosis.  I’d changed my diet completely.  I was so strict about what foods I put in my body.  I ate superfoods on the regular!  No gluten, no grains, no dairy,  no sugar, no processed anything!  I only ate organically.  I took supplements and vitamins and I detoxed myself constantly.  I rarely ever drank alcohol anymore.  It just didn’t make sense?

As the pain continued,  I felt completely hopeless.  I had just been through the Lyme Disease Treatment three months prior, (and had finally gotten my autoimmune disease into remission after 6 years prior to that!) and while those symptoms were very gradually improving, this new bladder condition was raging on with a wicked vengeance.  It felt like life was just screwing with me and I was never meant to get out from underneath the boulder of chronic illness.  I was terrified of living the rest of my life in that much pain!  I joined Facebook support groups and SO MANY women had been living in this pain daily for decades!  I’ve had all kinds of pain and so many varying (usually on the extreme) degrees.  But, this was the absolute worst.  There was nothing that brought relief.  Day in and day out.  Night after night of sleepless, horrendous pain. 

Months went by, and I spent every waking moment searching for answers.  I probably spent several thousands of dollars in trial and error treatments and pills.  I even went to physical therapy.  I meditated, did gentle yoga and stretching, and completely changed my diet yet again.  I was journaling, repeating positive affirmations, soul searching, getting energy healing sessions, and I was only eating about six different foods for months, avoiding anything that might cause more pain.  Six months went by and I was still hurting.  

One day in my rife machine Facebook Group for chronic illness and cancer, someone responded to my post about the die-off symptoms I was feeling from one of the detox programs I was doing on the machine (Spooky2 Rife Machine – look it up, it’s pretty incredible!).  He said that he could help me with his radionics machine.  I didn’t really think anything of it, or know anything about it for that matter. I told him to go ahead and try it (this happens remotely – also absolutely incredible!), and I wasn’t expecting anything at all.  Within a couple of hours my heavy fatigue, excrutiating joint pain, and headache had lifted!  So, I continued to pick his brain about what else we could do to get me on the road to healing.  He had used radionics himself to get back to health after his own bout with chronic Lyme Disease.  So, we started treatments to detox my body of all of the pathogens and toxins that feed them and were likely causing my bladder pain.  

At the same time, I also started a raw fruit and vegetable only diet.  I stuck to this for a few months, and along with the radionics treatments, I was starting to feel more energy than I had in YEARS!  My bladder pain was also coming down.  Where it had been a 10 out of 10, it was more like a 5.  It was an incredibly difficult time, but I kept reassuring myself through positive affirmations that I was going to heal.  I’m not always the strongest person.  I don’t let people see my weakness often.  I completely broke down at least once daily.  But, I always kept the smallest glimpse of hope in my heart, and kept fighting every day.

Now, a year later, I’m almost completely bladder pain free.  I don’t take any prescriptions for it.  I just use diet, supplements, and radionics, and my bladder is so much stronger!  I used to not be able to drink a few sips of water without having to run to the bathroom because of the pain.  I now can sleep through the night with only having to get up once or twice, instead of fifteen or more times!  I can eat things I couldn’t before.  I can even have a glass of wine, or cocktail without pain!  I’m not 100% healed, but I am most definitely on my way there.  I’m so happy to say that I’ve enjoying this Christmas more than any other in so many years!  I feel so blessed and grateful to have less pain in my life.  I never thought I would be in this place just one year ago.  

So, what I really wanted to tell you is, that even when life feels like a living nightmare, there is still hope for things to completely change for you!  You just have to hang on and keep fighting.  Don’t ever give up on yourself!  I can’t tell you how many times I felt like I couldn’t go on another minute.  But, if you really set your heart and mind to changing your circumstances, I do believe that things will change for the better for you.  It’s like I say so often on my blog and social media posts… the energy that you put out will always come back to you.  I don’t believe that you can work so hard for so long and never see results.  Dig deep, find your grit, hold on, and fight like hell!  You’ll get to where you want to be.  Sometimes it means thinking outside of the box and stepping outside of your comfort zone.  Try things you’ve never even considered!  Change doesn’t come without making changes.  And so often we think we can’t do things.  We are limited because of “this or that”.  Stop letting those things get in your way and get creative as to how to solve the road blocks.  Asking for help isn’t the end of the world, and you’d be surprised at the number of people out there who are willing to lend a hand.  Remember that you are capable of anything you truly set your mind to.  Believing in yourself is half of the battle!

I hope that this story brought a little beacon of hope to any of you suffering this Christmas season.  I really wish for this to find it’s way to the people who need to hear it most.  I know how it feels.  I know much it hurts.  But, things can and do change.  Keeping hope in your heart and positive, forward thinking thoughts are so important.  You CAN do this!

Finally, I promised to share my favorite Paleo zucchini muffin recipe!  I love this recipe! It could seriously fool anyone at your holiday table – gluten free or not!  They are so light, fluffy, and perfectly sweet!  If you’ve never heard of Danielle Walker and her series “Against All Grain” you should definitely check her out!  She has amazing Paleo recipes of all kinds.  Her recipes are my favorite Paleo recipes of all!  You can make this zucchini bread recipe in bread pans or as muffins!  My mom and I both think that making it in a mini bread loaf pan works better than trying to do it in a bigger loaf pan.  But, the muffins always turn out great!  You can find the recipe here.

Kelly Bibza
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